(0 rating, 2 votes)A jokes track from Illustrate here. “The Big Mistake” is a cautionary tale of over-consumption and reckless leave of senses! It also bangs hard. The whole mixtape was also hosted by the hilarious Genesis Elijah who has some…
INTRO:
- Yo, you’re never gonna guess what I’ve just done
- Man I never should’ve had that drink
- Yo, you’re never gonna guess what I’ve just done
- Man I never should’ve had that drink
- Yo, you’re never gonna guess, never gonna guess, never gonna guess
- What I’ve just done
VERSE 1:
ILLUSTRATE
- Yo I finished work around 8
- And went to meet my mates
- Who were sitting in the pub drinking for a change
- I got myself a pint, chatted to the guys
- Left about 9 and went straight back to mine
- I quickly got changed, had a bit of dinner
- Said goodbye to my mmother and my younger sister
- Went and caught a bus straight into down
- Bought a Stella on the way and quickly guzzled it down
- All hyped, feeling all right, out for the night
- First pub I went in was a pound a pint
- Met my mates inside and started knocking them back
- Even got onto the shots with the vodka and that
- An hour later things were getting messy
- 11 o’clock and I was feeling drunk already
- We left the pub and made our way to a nightclub
- ‘Cos we heard it was filled with nice young
- Women, dressed in short skirts that didn’t fit ‘em
- Moving about and dancing to the rhythm
- This is more like it – my shit
- Straight to the bar to get myself another pint of the finest
- Stella Artois – hits the head hard
- Gets you spinning quicker than the wheel on a car
- Everybody was dancing and moving to the tunes
- So in a pissed state I bust a few moves
- I don’t think nobody noticed
- That I could barely focus
- And nearly tripped over every time I moved my loafers
- But fuck it anyway
- It’s Friday night
- I don’t really give a shit
- I’m just living my life
CHORUS:
X2
- Yo, you’re never gonna guess what I’ve just done
- Man I never should’ve had that drink
- Yo, you’re never gonna guess what I’ve just done
- Man I never should’ve had that drink
- Yo, you’re never gonna guess, never gonna guess, never gonna guess
- What I’ve just done
VERSE 2:
ILLUSTRATE
- Yo I made my way back to the bar
- Where my friends were chilling
- Sitting drinking
- Pointing out women
- Look at the girl in the red dress my friend said
- Pointing at some chick with huge breasts and long legs
- Wow! Everybody stopped to stare
- I was looking so hard I nearly fell off my chair
- She was beautiful
- Seeing this in Wyvombe was unusual
- She’s the type of person that could lighten up a funeral
- Just then I noticed her friend
- Who was standing next to her looking round at the men
- Couldn’t believe my eyes
- She was so wide
- She must have been about 20 stone – no lies
- I’m not a cunt
- I am a nice guy
- But the first thing I thought of was
- Who ate all the pies?
- I didn’t mean to be rude
- But she was huge
- And after a bit of booze I always turn rude
- My friends had a little chuckle but kept it subtle
- We’re out to have fun, not to cause trouble
- A couple of minutes later, can you believe it?
- They both walked over to us and started speaking
- The pretty girl knew one of my friends
- They went to school together when they were about 10
- We started chatting, having a laugh
- Apart from the fat girl who just sat at the bar
- Staring into thin air as if we all weren’t there
- Ignoring every word we said as if she didn’t care
- By this point I was feeling slightly hammered
- In fact that’s a lie – I was absolutely battered
CHORUS
VERSE 4: ILLUSTRATE- By the time we left the club I could barely even walk
- Had to lean on my friends ‘cos I needed support
- The pretty girl that we’d just met inside
- Said, “Come on everybody, let’s get a taxi to mine”
- I got a free house now – my Mum and Dad are out
- You can even stay round, you can sleep in the lounge
- So we quickly jumped into a taxi
- My friends threw me in and I collapsed in the back seat
- Her fat friend sat in the front
- Looking just as unhappy as she had in the club
- I was like, “What the fuck?”
- “Where the hell are we heading?”
- “Calm down, Oz, man, we’ll be there in a second”
- Seconds later we pulled up outside this house
- Climbed out, paid the driver
- “Here’s a fiver, ciao!”
- Walked straight through the front door
- And into the kitchen
- Stuck on a bit of music
- And carried on drinking
- Now the last thing I remember was this
- I was sat at the table with my head in my fists
- The rest of the night to me was just a large fucking blur
- I never should’ve drunk all that lager at first
- COME TO BED WITH ME
- COME TO BED WITH ME
- COME TO BED WITH ME
- Yeeeeaaarrsss
- Yo I woke up in the morning with a thumping head
- What the fuck’s going on? Where the fuck is my bed?
- I started freaking out a bit
- I mean where have I slept?
- Where have all my friends gone?
- Am I the only one left?
- Suddenly I felt something next to me move
- It was incredibly huge and left me very confused
- I was like, “What could it be?”
- Laying next to me
- I pulled back the covers just to take a little peek
- ARGH! Oh, this was some bad shit!
- I was on a mattress next to that fat bitch
- I jumped out of bed as quick as I could
- Oh shit! I’m fucking naked, this isn’t good
- Took a look around the room
- Saw my clothes and shoes
- Quickly stuck ‘em on my body without a moment to lose
- Just about to leave when I heard this noise
- It was her
- GET BACK TO BED BIG BOY
- I ran out the house quicker than lightning
- Straight down the street
- I couldn’t stop, I was far too frightened,
- I ran all the way home and didn’t look back
- When I got to my door, man I nearly collapsed
- *PANTING*
CHORUS
OUTRO- The moral of the story is: Don’t drink too much. Know your limits!
- Oh, by the way, this is not based on a true story
- I repeat, this is not based on a true story…
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